Happy Valentines Day! We are here in NJ and its cold and snowing a lot! Lucky we have more than enough love from family and friends to keep us warm on the inside=) It being Love Day and all, I've been thinking a lot about a mother's love, especially since I've been getting a good dose of it from my own daechoong mama.
Coming off a 10 hour plane ride with a screaming crying one year old and a cranky 3 year old is a soul draining experience that I will elaborate on in another post. I came home after staying up all night completely and utterly distressed, tired, and my psyche shattered in a million pieces. My mother watched the kids, let me sleep in on their bed with their electric blanket (those are awesome), and slowly I felt the warmth melt away weariness. The last few days we were stuck at home with a nor'easter snow storm and watched the inches pile up. We stayed in with home cooked meals, my mother willing to carry my burdens to give me some rest. Don't get me wrong I love being a mother but after many months without a break and after a really long stressful month long stretch, it's really nice to be cared for. I feel a sense of peaceful contentment I haven't felt in awhile.
That's a mother's love. At your very worst, your weariest, your most inconsiderate, sloppy and indecent, and shameless, moments your mother still loves and accepts you, she takes you just as you are. Not with out expectations of course, but you can show her your ugly side, your personality flaws, the hard-to-look-at aspects of who you are and you can just be that in front of her. Its the constant forgiveness, and "giving in" that is as integral and indispensable to motherhood, as the warmth of the sun is to the earth.
Growing up receiving this love had its drawbacks in a way. I grew up to think the world was kinder than it was ruthless, that it was caring more than it was harsh. It gave me an inaccurate picture of the world and led me to believe that others would be just as forgiving and indulgent as my mother was towards me. Growing up is a slow discovery in the rude awakening of what the world is really like. It's that same love that wants to show my kids in their prime of their innocence, that people and the world are kind loving and patient.
In the same way, time and time again, when my kids drive me crazy, when I feel like I'm pushed to the brink of no return, when I feel my sanity hanging on my thread, I realize I can always give a bit more, that unlike the way things are with everything else in life, for my kids I can keep giving. Why? Because that is what my mother did for me. The never ending flame of our love for are kids is fueled and guided by the love we first received. This snowy day, as I'm typing this, my body is chilly but my heart is warm. This snowy Valentines Day I'm very grateful for the love I've received and the abundant love I have and can continue to give to my little ones. Happy Valentines Day!
Some pics of our trip so far. One of the great things now about going home to NJ is seeing our little ones reunited with their cousins. The pictures below are of Joey and Kaitlyn with my brother's kids. You can see the cousin love! Can't wait take pics with their other cousins soon too!
Speaking of my daughter driving me crazy... this is what she was doing all night... make a mess at my mom's house.
Do you see the time?? Thats 2:30 AM!!